"Sorry to see you go. Goodbye".

As these words appeared on my laptop screen, I felt relieved and sad at the same time. I am taking a break from all social medias. Yes, Twitter and Instagram. I don't really mind about Instagram though but it is kinda hard for me not to be on Twitter because, you know. But it is for the better, I reckon. My life has always been surrounded with social medias for as long as I can remember. It is like I am glued to my phone. I cannot even go to the toilet without bringing my phone because I would feel too 'lonely'. I would watch Netflix, videos on Youtube or simply listen to the same songs in my playlist. Weird, I know, but a lot of people that I know do that too. Now that I no longer be able to access to any social media, I have no idea on what I'm going to be doing for the next *I don't know how long* since I'm just staying at home doing nothing during this MCO period before online classes start.

But I'm going to be just fine I guess. Yes, I'm going to be just fine.

If you ask me, no, I am not okay. But I don't know whether I should tell you here or not because no one actually cares anyway. I'm tired of opening up to someone that I trust and let myself show my vulnerable side for them to just brush it off. As if my problems are not 'big enough'. As if my feelings are invalid. Maybe bottling things up made some points.

The only thing that I have with me is this humble blog, that has always been with me since forever. It's like my unlocked diary that no one ever reads. It's the first place I go to whenever I feel sad. I have never told anyone about the existence of this blog and that includes my boyfriend. Maybe one day but I am still not ready. And I am so glad that I have this blog, the only thing that keeps me sane because I can be vulnerable without having to worry about what other people have to say.

Man, God knows how tired I am of being insecure. I've been fighting with my insecurities since last year, and I think it's only getting worse now. I used to be that confident girl you see on Instagram, who posted her pictures every now and then trying to post her pretties pictures as she could. But today, the more I stare into the mirror, the more I hate myself knowing that I can never compete with other girls out there who are way prettier and smarter than me. I feel like I have nothing to offer, and most of the time I feel very useless. I tend to have trust issues as a result of my insecurities because why on earth would anyone like me? Be it as a friend or girlfriend, why?

So goodbye everyone, I'll see you when I feel better soon. Stay safe and take care.