Hi.

You're probably tired of me at this point because I only post once a month and every time I post; it's about my love life. Nevertheless please bear with me because this is the only platform that I have that I could write everything freely in order to keep me sane. Let's start talking about my pathetic life. So I'm on my semester break, but I'm taking two subjects for intersession (Torts II and Family Law) so it is kind of good for my mental health, to be having something important to do rather than staying at home doing nothing. That's hella depressing. At least I have something to do to keep me busy even though I paid 400 bucks for those two subjects tsk tsk. My dad encouraged me to join a guitar class to enhance my skills, hence I made a registration a few weeks ago but the music center never calls me back. LOL.  

Now let's go straight to the point. It's been three months since my boyfriend and I broke up. Wow, it's crazy to say three months. I used to tell people I broke up with him one month ago, and then two months. Now it's three months. I wonder if it is healthy to keep counting this. Anyway, I'm still not used to it, this single life. I'm still accepting and trying to forgive him and my own self for what happened so that I could feel more calm because this whole thing; it makes me depressed. I had two panic attacks last week and it was exhausting. We still talk and we still see each other. I'm honestly glad that we still do. We both want this. For us to stay friends and not become strangers. I can never imagine not talking to him at all forever. And we still fight sometimes but we are still so bad at solving.

I've gotten fine with this situation. It's like we are in our normal state; being in a relationship, but happier and less arguments. But to him, he does not want a relationship so it's quite confusing to me. The only thing that is killing me is that we are not officially in a relationship. We meet, we talk. But not having a relationship means that he can do the same to other girls, no? He makes no promises that he wouldn't though. That's the hardest part for me to accept and live with. I want him all to myself. 

We are more than friends, but less than lovers.