Apologies for breaking the promise that I made earlier this year, where I said I would write once a month. I've lost track of time. My mind is all over the place and I feel empty most of the time. And you know it's almost impossible to write when we feel empty. Because there's not much to say, to be honest. Actually there is too much. But when there's too much, we don't even know where to start. So I often choose to not say anything. No one cares anyway.

It's been a tough year. The toughest so far, I might say. I've loved, and I've lost. I've been hopeful and I've lost hope, all at the same time. Regardless, I'm still proud of myself as I managed to get dean's listed for two consecutive semesters while being depressed at home. And for surviving this far. I've been spending time as much as I could with my family and my high school friends while I still have the time. I know when things go back to normal soon, I'm not going to be the same anymore. I'm not going to be back home until my mind heals. 

I want to escape.

Have you missed your old self? I do. A lot. But there is no way I could go back to who I was. I'm leaving H in 2020, a small step that I take in order to move on. 

-

-

-

A little update to H, even though you're not reading this.

My way of showing love to you is by finally letting you go. I am too exhausted to still hold on. Go find what you want in life because it's obviously not me. At least not anymore. I wish you nothing but happiness.